Cute Girl Report

A little back ground: These were weekly reports written when I was getting my college boy degree. I'm currently pursuing a career as governer which explains and excuses the drunken spelling. Dave Ninja saved my email reports and compiled 'em into one big mound of crap.

Due to unpopular demand, I've broken this down into month size chunks. Lucky you.


Okay, here's the set-up. I met this girl the first day of school, and then lo and behold she turns out to be in one of my classes. I came home, and started writing the Cute Girl Report up on my roommate's wall. Some days it kinda sucks, and some days it ain't so bad. But it is long and it is text based, and after all, you are just killing time at work or between classes.


Date: Wed, 24 Apr 1996 23:45:48 -0700
Subject: CG Report from when I flaked till now 4/24/96

Sorry, I got lazy, but I was developing my Dead Pool list of 13 names of people I think will die in the next year. Bill and I have a ham riding on this, and that goddamn Erma Bombeck croaked after I replaced her on my list with Mother Teresa.

Okay, let's see...she picked me up for the field trip to Berkeley hills and came into the house where she was awed at by all the roommates. We hopped into her car and she played rave all the way. It was the worst. Imagine being stuck in the Blade Runner soundtrack for a few hours. I brought a box of Fruit Loops, a Slim Jim beef stick and a bottle of Coca Cola for lunch and spilled Fruit Loops in her car. She wasn't thrilled that I piss marked my territory. After the trip she wanted to do some rave shopping for the spring solstice rave but I bailed out. Later she whined about how little gas money I gave her--$3 just didn't cut it.

One day in class I noticed she drew a picture of a little stick boy holding hands with a little stick girl with a little heart above 'em. I said, "Awww, how cute" and I thought she was gonna swing. She looked like she was gonna move, but didn't. I ain't never seen her so mad.

Most of the classes have been the usual stuff and ain't been too good. We went on another field trip to Point Reyes, but she wouldn't pick me up this time. She mostly whined about a dumb girl in our class who I kinda like 'cause she asks really dumb questions and I think she's funny. Example: She found a rock (on a geology field trip no less!) and told the professor she'd make a good archaeologist 'cause she's good at finding stuff on the ground. She keeps making fun of that Elmo boy raver, not quite getting that I'm doing the same to her. I keep trying to get her to give me a picture of her posing with him, but no luck so far.

CG gots her a job at Institute of Human Origins across the street from the 924 Gilman Street punk rock club. Maybe I mentioned this, I don't remember. I'm getting sloppy. Anyways Donald Johanson runs the place (the geek that which found Lucy, so he's kinda a big whig) and CG mentions Don a lot. Surprisingly not in a kiss-ass way, but she did show me an autographed copy of a recent National Geographic article on him.

So yeah, blah blah blah...this is falling apart. Gee, who woulda thunk abi-weekly stalking report would get old? I think what happened was sheannoyed me so much on the first field trip that my tolerance level hasbeen built up. I'll try to get a lot of rest this weekend and start afreshon Monday.