The original post:

Alrighty then, in the fine Trekkies 2 tradition of last minute warnings, the Sacramento premiere of Trekkies 2 (and a celebration of Shawn's very first DUI) will be held Sunday, July 11th. BBQ at 7:30. The movie starts promptly at 9:30pm. Bring your own food, beer, cigars, rigelian brandy and heroin.

As the Trekkies 2 marketing people won't let it play in Sacramento, we reversed some photon waves uhh... that's too Next Generation. I meant, we time Shatnered to the future and uh... basically we pirated it and we're showing it at a home made drive-in (which means, no room for cars in the backyard so bring a lawnchair or suffer the ground, mateys). The 8x8 foot classic screening of Sci-Fi nerds strutting their geekiness to the Avogadro's degree (6.02 x10 to the 23rd, dude).

The official dvd release of the movie is Aug. 31st, and they demanded a soundtrack for some unknown reason so that should be out around then too. As if being trapped in the room with No Kill I playing wasn't bad enough but you still need to drive the roaches out of your apartment.

email for directions because it just seems more illegitimate that way.

The story:

Luckily, the copy of the movie we have says, "Paramount demands that you show copies of this in public under penalty of death", so we did. About 40 or 50 people showed up to Shawn's backyard drive-in. It was a nice house and a nice backyard, so obviously it didn't belong to anyone from The No Kill I, Inc. Hell, I don't know if Shawn has ever seen us play live.

There was plenty of beer and bbq for all. We celebrated Shawn's first DUI by trying to get someone else to get a DUI. I don't think it happened though. Driving drunk is always funny until someone loses an eye. He learned a lesson about driving under the influence: "Don't enter alleys aggressively on the 4th of July". It's not the worst -- my sister's ex-boyfriend got a DUI moving his car across the street to avoid a parking ticket. That was on St. Patrick's day. I don't know what the rules are on the other national holidays. Maybe they give DUIs for not signaling on Christmas. If you're from another country, you should know that in the USA drunk driving is sponsored by Disney because it's good clean fun for all.

I don't know what to say about the movie. The first one is better, and people booed every time Warp 11 were shown. I think my favorite part is the guy in England who built his apartment to look like the inside of the Enterprise. He basically painted himself into a corner and couldn't stop himself. He's been trying to sell it, but last I heard it hasn't been sold yet. Sadly, they didn't do an update on the guy who built his own Cap'n Pike wheelchair. If you want to read reviews of the movie itself, go to the Trekkies 2 site.

The crazy Borg cat lady was there for the Sacramento movie premiere, but she didn't bring her cat this time. Don't worry, the cat is deaf so loud music doesn't bother it. It's name is "Cat: The Other White Meat". And you say "Borg cat?" Yup, she dresses her cat up like a Borg, and she came to see us play when the filmed the movie with her cat.

Looking at my server logs, I see I have a guest appearance as I write this:

How long until I get a very special call from Paramount? I asked at the World Premiere of the movie when it'd be shown in Sacramento, and the producer said "Marketing said 'no'". Which is pretty dumb because Sacramento leads the nation in sci-fi geeks for some reason. You'd think that we'd rank pretty low on that list because Sacramento is a pretty hostile area. You'd think the beatings by rednecks would put an end to sci-fi geekery, but there's 2 theaters right now that show art movies. There used to be 3, but we're back down to 2.

Tower Theater won't last if the city supervisors can help it. They don't want them in business so they've been talking about giving a grant to Century Theater to open an art theater. It's part of the weird plan to make downtown & midtown look like a strip mall to bring suburban people in. They've already been chasing away the locals. It don't make no sense. Lately, the local gang members have been shooting people at random for "gang initiation" says the local cops. That has f-all to do with the movie or the bbq but random killings are always entertaining so I had to put that in.

So anyway, Trekkies 2 will be officially released straight to dvd August 31st. There's a soundtrack coming out so you can kill your ears with Star Trek songs, but at least the movie theme song is by Fred Schneider from the wonderful B-52s.

Soundtrack Review added Sept. 14: Ooo-eeee, I got a copy of the soundtrack. Don't waste your money on that platter of crap. If you need it for some reason, knock your head into the wall until that desire flushes out of your mind carried out with on a refreshing raft of blood dripping out your ear like a freshly used tampon. "Crap" and "piece of crap" and "crap sandwich" comes to mind. "Crap cracker" as well. Christian karaoke is better. Trust me, I just spent Saturday in the Appalachian foothills hanging out with my hillbilly relatives.

We were out in Leatherwood Hollow (pronounced "holler") and Baptist hillbilly karaoke is a giant step above. The food there was great because I love fried green tomotoes. I'm not kidding about hillbillies by the way. If you've had the misfortune to meet me, I'm sure you noticed the "hillbilly" tattooed on my forehead right before I tried to mooch a beer from you. Which is to say, live albums have never been recorded live. That is a myth. Even great ones like Cheap Trick "Live at Budakon" wasn't recorded live. It's a studio trick. Sure, there's small parts that are recorded live -- usually audience and stage banter -- but "live" albums aren't really live. That is part of The Promotion as played by Label Suits. I'm guessing most people are thinking I'm making this up, but I'm not. If you ask, I can point you towards articles about this. Or spend 8 seconds googling for it.

This soundtrack is chock full of this mighty crap salad toasted over a burning manure pile. If you're some sort of super collector, which isn't possible in the Star Trek universe, don't bother opening the packaging. If you do, skip the live acts and listen to the folk stuff actually filk in the sci-fi world. Folk can be recorded live, although, for some odd reason, one of the bands, who's label put this out, somehow has studio recordings when we were told no time for that. Go figure. I need a thesaurus so I can think of more crap food to list. Crap soup. Crap crepe. There's oh-so-many crappy things to say about this soundtrack. If you need to hear it, there's bitTorrents & other mp3s of it floating around clogging up the sewers of the internet.

Okay, a review since I actually listened to it on Sept 23, 2004 while driving out to the monkey factory and back. The cd isn't as bad as I'd thought. Still nothing worth paying for. Stovokor is metal and though they bitch about how awful they sound, it's not bad. NKI: Deep Space 9 were influenced by No FX and they're entertaining. NKI: The Next Generation is always entertaining. And NKI is a car wreck in action that I fastforwarded over. The filk bands (sci-fi folk) are pretty good if you like folk music. Warp 11 sounds like a prom party band in a Lifetime movie channel or, if you're old enough, an Afternoon Special. Fred Schneider of the B-52s has done way better work, but you really notice how gay lispy his voice is. Maybe it's because the best bars around my house are gay bars, so I'm more in-tune to that, but I doubt that. I'm guessing he lives in West Hollywood instead of Athens, and that lisp is persuasive. The Mercantile, by the way, serves the strongest drinks I've had from any bar I've been in.

The payment for the bands appears to be 5-8 copies of the promo cd, which is what No Kill I thought would happen. All of us (not just the whiney loudmouthed Dave Smith) figured that's what payment would be. Everyone in the band has/are in other bands: We've dealt with/have been on major labels, toured the US and Japan, been on magazine covers, blah blah blah. Sure, that sounds made up, but it's not. Reports are trickling in from other bands who are upset about the payment of a fistful of promo cds, but hey, we told the other bands what to expect. So if you want a copy, look around and find a free one. You're not taking any money away from the bands.

Archbishopfully,

--Dave "Smith"
aka Gornzilla aka Mugatu

Tuesday, July 13, 2004